


Protective Instincts Thwarted

by firewolfsg



Series: Journey of Light (光) [15]
Category: Saiunkoku Monogatari
Genre: Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-03
Updated: 2010-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-08 16:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/77444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firewolfsg/pseuds/firewolfsg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kouyuu arouses in Seiran a feeling he's initially unable to identify.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Protective Instincts Thwarted

Shi Seiran was never quite comfortable in the presence of Li Kouyuu.

Kouyuu may have thought it was awkwardness because they were both taken into their respective households at approximately the same time though never introduced despite their 'adopted' status as cousins, but Seiran felt it was not the same. And the older man told himself that his discomfort was also not over misplaced guilt since he was openly loved by Shouka sama and his family, whereas Reishin dono's love for his son was not as demonstrative.

It was not envy or jealousy.

As a member of a not so prominent branch of the same family, Seiran never had to deal with the rumours and gossip which surrounded Kouyuu for his adoption by the head of the Kou clan. Neither was Seiran confronted with hurtful tales that he was taken in only because his father was imitating the actions of his beloved elder brother who had adopted a stray some months earlier.

It was not pity. The very idea was absurd.

Until Eigetsu arrived in court, Kouyuu had held the record of being the youngest official to graduate as Jougen in the national exams at age 16. Even with his record broken by the 13 year old, Kouyuu's fame did not diminish. While it was acknowledged that Eigetsu's achievement was born of hard work and determination, Kouyuu, on the other hand, was recognised as a true genius on par with Ran Ryuuen, without the younger man's eccentricities.

Kouyuu was also infamous as the Under Secretary in the Department of Civil Administration, and the youngest official in history to hold such a high post since the founding of Saiunkou as a nation. His one crippling fault, much worse that his ability to get lost within thirty paces, was his blind devotion to his father. However, Kou Reishin addressed this very forcefully when he abandoned his son to the mercy of the Censorate, making Kouyuu finally choose to follow his heart in his desire to serve the people by fully pledging his loyalty to Ryuuki, and becoming instrumental in his father's dismissal from office.

Even then, Kouyuu's career was not that badly derailed since YuuShun quickly snapped him up as an Aide to the Prime Minister's office, much to the howls of disappointed among the other departments who had once looked enviously upon the Department of Civil Affairs. Furthermore, Reishin Dono's very public gift of a white wolf pup to protect Kouyuu, when he stayed at court after his father returned to the Kou Estates, was evidence enough that Kouyuu was still held in high favour by the Kou Clan. Shiro's presence as Kouyuu's new guard wolf had also seriously curtailed the harassment the man used to get from prospective father in laws hoping to nab him for their daughters.

This was not a man to be pitied.

No, the disconcerting feeling Seiran had seemed to be of a more primal nature. In truth, Seiran did not even develop this feeling until that one day he accidentally chanced upon a private exchange between Ran Shuuei and the Prime Minister's Aide and witnessed Kouyuu unexpectedly flinch quite violently away from the man.

If the surprise on Kouyuu and Shuuei's faces were not absolute, Seiran might have forgotten himself and drawn Kanshou on his appointed subordinate. It was clear enough to Seiran that Kouyuu did not understand why he had flinched away from his best friend.

Still, the incident stirred memories of Seiran's yearlong hell among the Satsujinzoku where he had caught the eye of Meishou, one of the seniors among the bandits. And Seiran steadfastly told himself that he would never wish for Kouyuu to have this ignorance clarified.

Seiran knew that Ran Shuuei had always thought he never liked him. But that was initially because Seiran objected to Shuuei's wavering stance of support to Ryuuki vs. the Ran Clan. When Shuuei returned to court after forcing his brothers to disinherit him and fully pledged himself to Ryuuki, Seiran came to respect and have an understanding with the demoted General and his new subordinate. After this revelation about Kouyuu though, Seiran found himself struggling not to unfairly impose an image of the long dead Meishou upon Shuuei when he looked at him.

Shuuei was nothing like Meishou. The care with which Shuuei respected the limits Kouyuu placed on him told all who observed them that he loved the difficult man. Seiran remembered too how Shuuei quietly and attentively nursed Kouyuu through the long weeks of his coma when Reishin dono seemingly abandoned him after his arrest by the Censorate. Shuuei's devotion and love was unquestionable. Seiran knew that the man would sooner cut off his own arm than raise a hand to hurt Kouyuu.

Meishou was nothing like the former general. In the nights which followed that brief glimpse and understanding of Kouyuu's life before Kou Reishin took him in, Seiran relived his time with the Satsujinzoku in his nightmares. He remembered Meishou's cruelty; remembered the many nights he lay beaten and humiliated beneath the grunting man who forcefully took pleasure with his weaker body. He remembered the man's foul breath in his face and the unwanted tongue forced into his mouth. He remembered the pain of rude violation and despair.

Ensei was far too perceptive of Seiran's moods and feelings than he cared to admit. However, Seiran could not help but count his blessings for having this friend as Ensei also correctly read the cause of his nightmares. And so, shrouded in a serious discussion on the security of the higher courts and the defences surrounding the Emperor, the Prime Minister and his Aide, Ensei offered to teach Kouyuu how to defend himself barehanded.

Kouyuu had paled at the idea of carrying a blade despite Shuuei's offer to teach him sword work. However, the suggestion of learning to defend himself barehanded appealed to him. Furthermore, Ensei won over Shuuei too with his argument that as the Prime Minister's Aide, and the man's last line of defence, he would be immediately underestimated by attackers if he did not brandish a blade, and that he need only know how to defend them long enough for help to arrive. It was a logical line of reasoning which Kouyuu readily agreed to.

With Kouyuu's steady mastery of the art of barehanded defence under Ensei's patient tutoring, the frequency of Seiran's nightmares declined and eventually stopped. The distance which had sprung up between Seiran and Shuuei also dissipated without the other man any wiser as to why the barrier had appeared and just as suddenly disappeared.

It was only then that Seiran identified this strange feeling within him for the Prime Minister's Aide. It was feelings that he readily and easily gave into for Shuurei and Ryuuki, to shelter and defend them from any who might cause them harm.

However, Li Kouyuu did not need this from him. He had enough protectors in the form of his father, Ran Shuuei and the recently added white wolf, Shiro. He did not need Seiran the way Shuurei and Ryuuki needed him. So Seiran had to learn to let this feeling go, and to trust in the protectors that Kouyuu already had.

Kouyuu was not like him, who had to learn to protect himself. And who was eventually allowed by fate to take revenge on the man who had hurt him when he was younger. But Meishou's death did not make the hurt go away, and it was not something Seiran could justifiably take out on Shuuei on Kouyuu's behalf. It was unfair to Shuuei, and Kouyuu would not thank him for it.

A feeling Seiran could only identify as sorrow came over him when he realised that he had no place as Kouyuu's protector. Seiran did not like this feeling and he wondered if Reishin dono had felt the same when he learnt that Kouyuu wrote the petition asking for Reishin's dismissal from the Department of Civil Affairs.

He wondered if Reishin's feelings of pride for his son's act of independence were enough to cover the ache of having his son leaving his nest of protection. And Seiran also wondered if he could be as strong when it eventually came time for Shuurei and Ryuuki to leave the arms of his protection too.

~owari~

  


Thanks for reading.

  


Cheers, firewolf


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